Day 3 of Truth Challenge

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Oh boy, this is going to be a hard one to type and read....

The one thing I can't seem to forgive myself for is the choice I made to allow my kids to move with their dad when he received a military assignment. I struggle with this decision every day!!! I know it was best for THEM but it wasn't for ME and I can't seem to forgive myself for it.  It's been a constant struggle.  I guess I need to give the background...

The boys' dad is military...as was I at one point.  But, once I divorced him I knew that we couldn't both be military because if one of us got an assignment to another state/country the other one wouldn't be able to get an assignment there too considering we weren't married anymore.  I made the pretty easy decision of getting out of the military for that exact reason. I didn't want to be away from the boys and I didn't want them to be away from their father.  He had a lot more years and time invested in the military and I knew wasn't willing to get out and I didn't even want to ask him. It was a pretty easy decision for me to get out and follow my career path as a civilian. That has worked out great!!!  Okay, back to the story.  Their dad got a military assignment to move to Alabama (from Colorado where we were all living).  I found this out in May 09. He was set to move in July 09.  I had a tough choice to make. I had just gotten out of the military and started my new job as a civilian in April 09 and I only accrued a few days of leave (vacation for you civilian types).  My then boyfriend (now husband) was deployed to Iraq so I was a single mom with no time to take off work (and still get paid to support myself and the kids) if something should happen to them (i.e sick and have to be out of school or daycare).  So, I decided to allow the boys to move to Alabama with their dad and I would move there as soon as humanly possible.  That's when I started the job application process (May 09) for jobs in Alabama. I wasn't able to move until December 09.  Between August (they were with me for most of the summer) and December I flew out to Alabama once a month to see them.  When I finally moved I didn't put up a fight to have them live with me again because once again I was a single mom. Although I married Joe in the summer of 09 he was still stationed in Colorado and would be there or somewhere else for the next 2.5 years until he could retire.  I made the decision to leave my husband behind and follow my kids.  I don't regret that decision at all! I just wish I would have never let them leave Colorado to begin with.

BUT, the boys have a great dad and great step-mother who pretty much do the best thing for them all the time. I know the boys are happy with him but I am in extreme emotional pain not being able to see them more than I do. I cry OFTEN and pray that when their dad retires he is able to stay where he is or move closer...and not further.  I will be crushed!

Anyway, I REALLY need to learn to forgive myself for the decision to let them live with their dad.  At times I feel like I gave up on them and just let them go.  I know in my heart that isn't what I really did but I think other people see it that way and I can't seem to believe that anyone would really see my decision as unselfish. I think I was acting in the boys' best interest and keeping my own selfish intentions of wanting to be with the boys rather than just being able to truly BE there for them...financially, emotionally, etc. 

As I see them each week I know they are happy and I know they are being taken care of.  That makes the forgiving a little easier but deep down I still can't seem to completely forgive myself.  One thing is for certain: I will never, ever forget it. I just need the courage to forgive. I don't know if I ever will have it, but at least I can try.  Something is better than nothing, right?

Day 2 of Truth Challenge

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.


As you can see it has been several days that I have posted anything for this truth challenge. To be honest, I have spent a few days thinking about something I can say that I love about myself. I have been struggling. Don't get me wrong, I do love things about myself but I wanted to write a really good post. I just haven't thought of something that is interesting enough to write about.  So, I'm going to go a little off course....
 
Something I love about myself is that I was able to conceived, carry and give birth to two GREAT boys! I know this seems like a bit of a cop out, but I did say I was going a little off course.
 
My boys are the most awesome boys in my eyes! They have their faults and challenges, but no one is perfect! I try my best to help them through those challenges and to work around or change their faults. I see so much of myself in each of them.  Ryan, poor thing, is exactly like me! He is sensitive, moody, loving and needs his sleep! Nate has more qualities from his dad, but he is like me in that he is smart, caring, thoughtful and outgoing. So, maybe I can get back on course by saying I love all those things about me because they are shown in my kids and they are what makes us who we are. It is hard to believe that genes play so much into the personality of our children. I'm amazed every day at how the world works and how these kids can be brothers but SO different, yet similar to myself and their dad.  I just find it amazing! The world works in mysterious ways and God works in a wonderful ways!  Thank you, God, for all the wonderful things you have brought into my life...especially those two wonderful boys!!!!

Day 1 of Truth Challenge

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I really don't want to say I hate something about myself considering God made me the way I am so that I am different; so I will say there are things I dislike about myself. I could probably write for hours about this but the challenge says "something" which in my opinion is one thing. I contemplate whether I should say something that I am able to change...which allows me to make the resolution to change...which is what most people do in a new year. I contemplate whether I should say something that I can't change...which allows me to accept myself for who I am and who God made me to be. Yes, that sounds good....here we go. I hate my height! I am only 5' 2" tall.

Do you know the challenges that come along with being short stature? Have you ever found a fabulous dress only to try it on and it falls below the knee when it should be above the knee? Have you ever bought knee high socks that end up being thigh high socks? Have you ever bought ankle socks that end up being calf socks? Have you ever taken clothes to the tailor and realized it almost cost as much to tailor them as the original purchase? These are some of the challenges I deal with in being so short. Wow, I just realized all of these center around clothing. Just shows you how much I love shopping for clothes! :-) I've also had to purchase mainly high heeled or platform shoes in order to buy those perfect fitting jeans/pants without having to get them tailored. But, this actually has an advantage: I make myself look taller. :-) One might say, "just shop in the petite section." Have you ever tried on petite clothes? Not only are the pants lengths shorter, so is the inseam and every other measurement. That can be a problem for someone who has a normal waist but just short legs. Or a normal arm length but short legs. Some clothing companies have great fitting petite clothes and some don't. So, I just find the clothes I like and find a way to make it work for me.

I could go on an on about the challenges of being short. I'll be brief this one time...I'm learning how to accept being short....which means being short in my discussions and blogs. And if any of you know me well you will know THAT is a challenge for me! Challenge accepted.

30 Days of Truth Challenge

I was reading another friend's blog and came across this challenge. Apparently it has been around for a while but it is still spreading in blogs and other places. The challenge is to truthfully answer each of the questions below--one for 30 days. Sounds pretty easy and gives me something (besides my typical nonsense) to blog about. Who knows, I could probably find a way to make it into nonsense. :-) Here are the questions:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I may not answer one question each consecutive day but I will certainly answer them all...my goal is to answer them in less than 40 days. Happy blogging and ROLL TIDE!!!

Disguise those beans!

Have you ever tried to think off a clever way to sneak in vegetables your kids claim they don't like? Have you ever tried to find a clever way of using leftovers since your kids claim they don't like leftovers? I've got just the answer....Pork Casserole! I spent some time today Googling recipes to use leftover pork tenderloin. I found several that sounded interesting and I took a few ideas from each of them and came up with the following recipe:

1 lb leftover cooked pork tenderloin, chopped or cubed (or any leftover beef, poultry, pork)
2-3 tbsp bacon grease (or some other fluid such as broth to make a rue of sorts)
2 tbsp flour
1 can stewed tomatoes (chopped or close to pureed)
4 cups mixed vegetables (I used frozen succotash....the kids claim they don't like lima beans)
1 1/2 lbs potatoes (I used baby red and left the skin on)
3/4 cup sour cream (I used light sour cream)
2-3 gloves of garlic, diced
salt/pepper to taste
1 cup shredded cheese (I used cheddar)

1. Boil the potatoes in salted water until tender. Continue with steps 2 & 3 while potatoes are cooking.
2. Warm leftover meat and grease (or liquid) over med-high heat in a large pan. Stir in flour; cook 1 min.
3. Add mixed vegetables,and tomatoes, salt/pepper to taste; cook over med-high heat for 5 mins.
4. Drain potatoes; mix in salt/pepper to taste, garlic and sour cream; mash/whip until blended well.
5. Add meat/vegetable mixture to 9 X 11 baking dish; top with mashed potatoes.
6. Bake at 375 for 18 mins; add cheese and bake 2 mins or until cheese is melted.
7. Remove from oven; cool; serve; enjoy!

Serves about 8 people. Don't worry, this leftover will taste good (if not better) the next day.

Even though the kids didn't like succotash they ate this with no problem! My 14 year old stepson said it tasted like "hopped up mashed potatoes" or like "a KFC chicken bowl". Recipe was a success! I wouldn't call this a gourmet meal, but it was easy, tasty, and helped use things in my refrigerator/freezer and pantry that were desperately needing to be used. I hope you can find a way to use this basic recipe as is or modify it for your own needs. Happy cooking!

Last but not least, ROLL TIDE!!

Such a small world!!

Have you ever noticed that it is such a small world? Some way, somehow, someone knows you through someone else. Like that six degrees of separation theory. Ya know? Today (and on other occasions) I have found that I connected with people in a lot less than six degrees of separation. Here are some cool examples:

Everyone in my career has to attend several courses at the same university in order to get the certifications required. From my very first course I realized that it was very likely that I would know someone in any of my next courses considering our career field is relatively small within DoD. Each time I attend a new course I look around the room for someone I recognize. 3 out of the 4 times I have attended an in-resident course I have known someone (the first class I didn't because I was VERY new to the career field). Today I started a new 2-week course and I didn't recognize anyone at first. As I was sitting at my table waiting for more students to show up (and for class to begin) I began talking to the guy next to me. I told him I was expecting to know someone and was looking around for that. He said he didn't know anyone but knew that some way, somehow he would meet someone in the class who knows someone he knows. *whew, that was a mouthful* Just after he said that he asked me what offices (state, agency) I had worked for. I mentioned I had been in Colorado Springs and he said he was deployed with someone from there. It turns out that he worked with a young lady I had also worked with and someone I am still in contact with through Facebook! I couldn't believe he had JUST said somehow he would meet someone who knew someone and sure enough that someone was sitting right beside him! Very strange. Such a small world!!!

It also turns out that two of the ladies in the class were at an office I was at in Florida. One of them was my supervisor and the other was a close co-worker. In addition to that, one of our old co-workers from that office now works in the office I now work in at my new office. Again, such a small world!

Another cool instance of the six degrees of separation (which by chance only need two degrees in this instance) was the first day I moved into the new neighborhood here in Alabama. When the moving truck arrived I asked the men to find the kids' bikes so they could have something to do while the truck was being unloaded. The kids took off on their bikes and just less than 3o minutes later they come pedaling bike with two other kids following them. It turns out that these kids had also just recently moved from Colorado Springs! Too cool!!! It gets even cooler! Their mother came by later to introduce herself and we got to chatting about Colorado Springs and the school the kids went to. It turns out that she was a teacher at the school the boys had gone to! Even cooler...she knows the boys' step-mom because she was also a "teacher" at the school! WOW!! Here is where it gets creepy...the next day I reported to work and was being introduced to several people in the office. Some guy (not on my team) happened to walk by and my co-worker decided to go ahead and introduce me to him. It turns out that when I heard his last name I asked if he happened to have two kids (I said their names) and if he lived in River Landing....he did!!! OMG! Such a small world!!! I work with the dad, who's wife worked with my kids' step mother in Colorado Springs where we all lived a few months before that. Too crazy!!!

Have any of you encountered situations where you have been in awe at the size of this small world? I know I have had many other situations but these two are recent and a little creepy how they came about. I would love to hear your stories! Post as a comment or your own blog...just let me know where so I can read it. :-)

New Year's Resolution

Here it is, January 2011! Wow, where has the time gone?? As you can see, I haven't blogged in well over a year. I have been horribly busy! I missed an entire year of blogging. I blame that mainly on Facebook because I have been able to "vent" there. I would love to start by recapping things that happened in 2010, but I have decided to save that for another post. Today I want to start fresh. That's what a new year is about, right? Starting fresh.

Today I woke up thinking What will my New Year's resolution be this year? I couldn't quite think of anything that is unique, attainable, and interesting. I hate to be boring and make the usually resolution of losing weight, saving money, being nicer, etc. Don't get me wrong, I do want to do all of those things, but I should commit to them as a resolution. So what should I resolve to do?? I just couldn't think of anything that struck me as good.....until I logged into Facebook tonight.

A friend from junior high shared a link to her blog on her profile. I started reading the preview and was very captivated. I read several of her entires and then it hit me! My resolution should be to blog more often! BRILLIANT!!! Thanks so much, Sharon!! I was just talking with some friends from work about the memories we DON'T have anymore. I can barely remember Nathan's and Ryan's first words, first walk, first games, etc. I do not want to forget all of those things! I have a baby book for the first year or so of their lives but not much else but picture since then. I now see that blogging is a GREAT way to help me capture memories.

So, here I am, blogging again. I intend to blog as often as possible, but not likely every day. I do have a lot to say and find this blog as a way to let it all out. There are days that I will probably make the blog private (if that is possible) just to use it as a diary or venting mechanism, but not share my insecurities, battles and maybe even trimphs with the whole world. Ya know?

Happy blogging to me!